Reasoning With God

I got to Starbucks early this morning and immediately thought about Moses and the Ten Commandments because of a meme I responded to yesterday.

I was just thinking, wouldn’t it be cool when God said, “You shall worship no other gods…” if you could ask him for a reason other than, “Or else I’ll destroy you!”? Here’s a dialogue that I made up between Moses and God prior to the carving of the stone tablets. Warning! This dialogue is not in the Bible. I just made it up.

God: “You shall have no other gods before me.”

Moses: “Excuse me, God. I hate to interrupt but I have a question.”

God: “Oh, what is it, Moses?”

Moses: “I was just wondering about your first commandment about not having any other gods before us? What is the reasoning behind that?”

God: “Good question, sir! You see, I’ve had to deal with these other gods and they’re a real bunch of assholes. They’ll lead you to the slums of Egypt and laugh at you when you get there. That really pisses me off!”

Moses: “So, why do you say that you’ll send us to hell or destroy us if we don’t adhere to your commands?”

God: “Well, Moses, it’s like this. I have a lot of experience with humans and I’ve learned that I have to treat you guys like a drill sergeant would. I’ll give the commands and you follow! I’m indoctrinating everyone so that they won’t stray off the path and won’t have to think about what they’re doing. Just do it, as they say!”

Moses: “Okay! I get it now! Thanks, God, for straightening me out!”

God: “And by the way, there’s no better motivation than telling someone that I will destroy them if they don’t adhere to my commands.”

Moses: “Oh!”

When it came to reasoning with God, Moses did a good job of convincing God not to kill all of his people after the golden calf scene – only 3,000 of them. After all, 3,000 lives for being the first ones to break the very first commandment by God is not a bad deal. Is it? Time for another dark roast!